Secrets Just For You, Men:

How To Make A Woman Come!

Men - These Are The Sort Of Orgasms Every Woman Wants:
  G Spot Squirting Orgasms.

 And you can give them to her! Click the play button below to see a video showing what female ejaculation can look like in real life.

You can bring any woman to an orgasm like this.

Wanna Know How?

Simple: Just Check Out The Video Below

In the video below, you'll discover how to do it.

Simply click the Play Button below and discover the secrets of taking a woman to orgasmic bliss.

G Spot Video

To Find Out How To Make A Woman Squirt,  Click Here.

This video shows you in a simple, clear and detailed way how to take a woman to a climax so amazing and so powerful that she will squirt (i.e. female ejaculate) at the height of her orgasm and pleasure.

This is the most intense pleasure sensation a woman can experience during sex.

And after she's had an experience like this, she's going to be devoted to the man who gave it to her (that's you!)

Every time you make love, it will be as fresh, exciting and powerful as the first time....

Jason Julius, the guy who has come up with this simple formula for squirting orgasms, uses a model to show you how to achieve such spectacular sexual success for yourself.

When you've finished, you'll know how to locate, pleasure and stimulate a woman's in the most intense way possible, giving her both an intense and long-lasting climax and the ultimate pleasure of female ejaculation.

And what's in it for you? A happy partner, a great relationship, and some of the best sex you ever had, because these ejaculatory orgasms will make her so aroused that making love to her is beyond your wildest dreams.

Act now, because pleasure is waiting for you just around the corner.... Jason Julius's video is utterly unique, and the information he presents is not available anywhere else.

To get more sexual pleasure than you ever imagined possible, click here.


 

Clitoral and vaginal orgasm

There hasn't been much scientific research done on the concept of clitoral versus vaginal orgasm.

Recent reports have suggested that the G spot is definitely an area of tissue distinct from the majority of the vaginal wall; and also that the G spot does not in fact exist at all!

It's interesting that the latter report was the result of a British study, because there's something profoundly shadowy in the British culture about sexuality in general, and women's sexuality in particular.

An example of this is the widespread denial that the G spot exists: rather than accept the anecdotal evidence that has accumulated on the Internet - let alone in scientific research - it's easier to start from a place of denial and say that the G spot's existence can only be proven by research.

Yet there are hundreds of thousands of women who are squirting away all the time - you can read about their experiences all over the net.

These women know it isn't pee, and they know how pleasurable a squirting orgasm is. In fact, it's normal!

And their male partners are delighted by it....

So Why Is Female Ejaculation So Often Denied?

The shadow, the hidden bit of what's not being said, in Jungian terms, is the denial of female sexuality.

When you think about it, the cultural context of female sexuality may be a major factor that has led to many women finding difficulty in achieving orgasm.

After all, all women are anatomically equipped with the same sexual organs, nervous system, and potential sexual responsiveness.

So most likely, a woman who has difficulty being orgasmic or ejaculating in adult life is most likely experiencing that difficulty as a result of psychological, emotional, social or cultural influences.

These can range from sexual abuse in childhood to the damaging influence of the media -- which presents women both as sexual objects, and as sexual failures if they do not achieve orgasm on a regular basis.

The reality, as most of us are aware, is that the frequency with which women reach orgasm is probably much lower than society as a whole tends to believe.

One thing we can state with absolute certainty is that the percentage of women achieving orgasm during sexual intercourse is very low (around 15% or less).

And we know why this is: it's because the clitoris does not receive much stimulation during the act of penetration and thrusting.

So how many women are squirters?

The answer's not easy to find - but let's say a substantial minority (leference).

However, the point is, ALL women CAN do it - they just need the technique. And the confidence. And the support of their partner. That's what the video above will give you - and her.

 

But What About Not Even Having A Normal Orgasm?

Some couples overcome this difficulty by offering extra stimulation to the clitoris from either the man or woman during intercourse, and that's a very satisfactory route for a couple to enjoy the pleasure of orgasm while the man is still inside the woman.

The woman who thinks she is anorgasmic simply because she cannot have an orgasm during sexual intercourse is being misled by either a patriarchal perception of female sexuality, or by her faulty beliefs. There's nothing unusual about not reaching orgasm during intercourse -- in fact it's the usual outcome for women. Only 15 % of women or fewer come to climax during intercourse form thrusting alone.

So how is it then, that some women claim to be able to reach orgasm during intercourse on a regular basis?

The first and obvious answer is that they use additional clitoral stimulation. The second possibility is that they find a position for sexual intercourse where the thrusting of the male partner pulls on the clitoris -- this is likely to happen, or at least more likely to happen, if a woman has long labia. And the third possibility is that they climax through vaginal thrusting because the man's penis is stimulating the woman's G spot.

I believe the G spot actually exists. It's true there are plenty of women who deny they have a G spot. But it's also true that there are plenty of women who have gone through a process of awakening their G spot and becoming sexually sensitive in this area.

And in truth, the man who want to give his woman an orgasm need not know anything about the G spot if he doesn't wish to find out about it, for the clitoris alone is a powerful route to sexual pleasure for a woman....

Even So, G Spot Orgasms Feel Great!

Deborah Sundahl, who more than anybody else has explored the nature and possibility of G spot orgasm in her books, has written eloquently of the nature of G spot orgasm. It seems that when a woman is truly open at all levels to her sexual partner her body behaves in a slightly different way.

Deborah has explained how the innervation of the area of the G spot is different to the innervation of the clitoris. This supports the possibility of G spot orgasm being something different to the clitoral orgasm.

And if stimulating the G spot does indeed stimulate different nerves, then it's likely that a G spot orgasm, or at having an orgasm in which G spot stimulation is involved, is going to be a different experience to an orgasm achieved by stimulation of the clitoris alone.

A lot of people believe the G spot needs to be "sensitized" before a woman becomes sexually responsive to G spot stimulation. I've heard many, many stories of women who have learned, through taking Tantric sex courses, or through the loving attention of a partner with whom they felt completely safe, that G spot sensitivity can increase over time.

But what does increasing the sensitivity of the G spot actually mean? It means something like becoming more aware of it as a source of sexual pleasure, and it might even mean training the nerves and tissues of the area to become sexually responsive to stimulation of the right kind. This is clearly where a woman's partner has a role to play in giving a woman an orgasm.

It also takes a particular state of arousal for a woman to respond to G spot stimulation and get to orgasm. It isn't just a matter of being well lubricated, although this is part of the story. It's more about how a woman's emotional responses to her sexual partner can help drive her bodily sexual responses.

But most of all it appears to me to mean a woman opening up psychologically and emotionally to her lover; opening her heart to him and perhaps even exposing the depths of her feminine vulnerability to him.

It's my experience that vaginal lubrication follows sexual desire and arousal, but the swelling of the G spot from its usual, slightly ribbed feeling into a tumescent, smooth, engorged area of tissue only takes place when a woman is freely feeling very loving towards her partner and she feels his love in return. (Or is it a matter of respect or trust rather than love?)

When she's achieved this state of arousal, a man with a finger on her G spot can produce very different sensations to those from a finger on her clitoris alone.

It's much more of a whole body sensation, which won't surprise anybody who's studied Tantric sex, where the G spot is the gateway to allowing sexual energy to flow all round the body.

And he can give a woman an orgasm easily.

Discovering the G spot, responding to it, and finding the effects that it has a woman's emotional state, her sexual energy, and her overall sense of well-being is part of the journey of developing sexuality that every woman must take during her life: it's just that some women don't get past the starting gate.

So, you know where I stand on the issue of the G spot: I believe that it exists, and I believe that it can allow  man to give a woman a different, a deeper kind of orgasmic experience.

However, if you trawl the further reaches of the Internet, particularly if you have an interest in female ejaculation, you'll come across many video clips which suggest that the level of stimulation required to take a woman into an ecstatic orgasmic state through stimulating the G spot inside her vagina alone is extremely high.

And while there's little doubt from watching these video clips that the women are receiving massive pleasure, but the level of stimulation, usually delivered with a finger or two, or sometimes by means of a machine like the Sybian - click here - orgasm machine for women, is so vigorous both in terms of pressure and speed that it looks slightly unnerving.

Science Comes To The Rescue -
Give Us All Orgasms!

However, there has been some research done on the subject of vaginal orgasm which I'm going to report here. It was conducted by Stuart Brody and Petr Weiss and reported in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

The aim of this study was to investigate the extent to which a woman's ability to have an orgasm through vaginal  stimulation was related to factors in her emotional and psychological development such as sexual education during childhood, awareness of vaginal sensations during intercourse, the duration of intercourse, and the size of her partner's penis.

The authors start by saying that women who have experienced vaginal orgasm express greater satisfaction with not only their sex life, but their emotional health, and their relationships - with sexual partners, friends and indeed life in general.

They apparently also experience more frequent sexual desire and also display a physiologically more "normal" gait than women who have not experienced vaginal orgasm. (That indicates a lower level of musculoskeletal blockage, tension and neurotic disturbance.)

Indeed when you read this piece of research, you wonder why all women are not striving madly for vaginal orgasms because the authors claim that the more vaginal orgasms a woman has had in the previous month, the more positive she is about her relationship quality, intimacy, love and passion, and the less she uses psychological defense mechanisms.

(I've claimed many times on my websites that an orgasmic woman is a "happy" woman; so I'm interested to read that the authors of this study have apparently established such a close connection between emotional satisfaction and vaginal orgasms.)

Mind you, everything that follows, based on the research paper in question, is my interpretation and mine alone. Any errors of interpretation are entirely mine also.

The vaginal orgasm does involve different neural pathways to clitoral orgasm. One of the possible reasons why vaginal orgasm has not received more acceptance is that women are simply not as well informed about the possibility of vaginal orgasm as they are about the clitoral orgasm.

For example, are women actually aware of the possibility of reaching orgasm through vaginal stimulation, and if they are not, would it ever happen?

Well, I venture to suggest that if their man is unable to provide enough stimulation during intercourse by vaginal thrusting -  which requires more ejaculatory control than most men are given - he will not be able to take a woman to orgasm during intercourse.

Does Penis Size Have Anything To Do With Giving A Woman An Orgasm?

The vagina has a lot of nerve endings throughout its length -- a fact which contradicts the commonly quoted statement that the vagina is comparatively insensitive -- so it may well be that a larger penis is able to stimulate it more than a smaller one.

Therefore, study investigated whether or not a man's ability to give a woman an orgasm through penile-vaginal intercourse was related in any way to the size of the penis of her partner.

The research was conducted in 2008 with a sample of women representative of the Czech population over the age of 15. The researchers provided a written survey to all women who agreed to take part asking about their age, how often they experienced orgasm during penile-vaginal intercourse (making sure that it was clearly specified that this related simply to orgasm produced by thrusting of the penis and vagina without additional stimulation from fingers or sex toys), and the estimated length of foreplay and sexual intercourse in minutes.

They also asked questions about what the women were taught during sex education about the method of reaching orgasm and about their preference for penis size.

They were also asked if they were more likely to have an orgasm with a man who had a longer or shorter than average penis. The measuring device was a 200 Crown Czech banknote - which was 14.5 cm long; this was assumed to represent the length of the average erect male penis. In fact, that is about right, give or take a smidgen. (This may be a misplaced question, for a lot of women regard penile girth as more important than length in producing satisfying sensations during sexual intercourse.)

You can read a whole lot more about sex techniques and positions here, including advice for men with a long and short penis about the best sex positions for their pleasure, and the best sex positions to give a woman an orgasm.

The women had a variety of answers available to them for all these questions on a four or five point scale. Analysis of the answers were used to calculate any correlation between a woman's ability to have a vaginal orgasm and her age, duration of foreplay, the length of intercourse, her ability to focus on the sensations she was receiving from her vagina, and on the length of her partner's penis.

Obviously some of these women did not have enough experience to be able to make comparisons between partners, a factor that was taken into account in the analysis. The researchers also applied multiple regression analysis to these factors to work out relationships between vaginal orgasm and one or more of the potential sources of stimulation.

The researchers used 1000 women  -  a response rate of 53% - and of these 1000 women 917 provided information about vaginal orgasm; the remainder either had never had a vaginal orgasm or they chose not to answer that question.

Now here's the first problem for me: the women's answers suggest that 50% of women reach orgasm during intercourse, and over 80% had had what they called a vaginal orgasm. These are numbers that do not match much more widely quoted figures available on the Internet.

Anyway, pressing on, of 416 women, 142 reported that they were more likely to experience vaginal orgasm with a longer than average penis, while 242 claimed that they reached orgasm equally well with both long and short penises, and the final 32 said that they reached orgasm more easily when the penis was short. (The implication being the bigger the penis, the more nerve endings it can stimulate in the vagina.)

Women who were taught in sex ed that stimulation of the vagina was capable of producing orgasm said they had more vaginal orgasms that women who were not given this information. But the problem with this conclusion is that it relies on the women's memory - a very unreliable methodological tool.

The researchers make the observation that previous work has suggested that "investment" in the clitoris is a barrier to the development of adult female sexual responsivity -- which they, in a rather Freudian manner, label as mature psychosexual development, referring even to "intractable difficulties" in educating and assisting vaginally anorgasmic women to experience orgasm during intercourse.

Kestenberg suggested that a woman's resistance to the concept of vaginal orgasm evolved in a two-stage process: first, a woman relies on clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and secondly defends against feeling, mechanisms which both impair her ability to reach vaginal orgasm.

The researchers observed that women who have been given a view of female sexuality based on the clitoris as the centre of orgasmic response have impaired ability to have a vaginal orgasm.

The discoverer of the G spot, Perry, said as long ago as 1984 that for the past 30 years most gynecologists have been telling women that the vaginal orgasm does not exist, and the consequence of that is that fewer and fewer of them were actually having vaginal orgasms. Perry called this one of the most heinous iatrogenic illnesses ever perpetrated on Western civilization.

He also said that learning to masturbate by using only the clitoris as a means of sexual stimulation, which he claimed had been basically the way women had been taught to masturbate for 30 years, was in fact preventing women from developing normal vaginal sensitivity.

Needless to say the researchers in the current paper used this to support their conclusions. It's a startling thought that women are being deprived of vaginal orgasm just because of the way society has culturally and socially framed their sexuality.

And men, too, fall prey to this belief system, not even trying to give a woman an orgasm by vaginal stimulation because they simply don't know it's possible to do so.....although, if they troubled to educate themselves on the finer points of sexual techniques, they would soon find out. Pellicer's Tao Of Badass is a great place to start looking for dating tips for men.

It is therefore no surprise to learn that women who were taught, or claimed that they had been taught, that the vagina was an important region for female orgasm claimed a higher level of vaginal orgasm than those who were taught that the clitoris is the region that needs to be stimulated before a woman reaches orgasm.

(Knowing the state of sex education in Britain I have to say that I find this frankness of education somewhat surprising, although it may be that the Czech Republic handles these things differently to other countries.)

The researchers observed that a woman whose view of female orgasm centers on the clitoris has an impaired ability to achieve orgasm during partnered sex, but her general orgasmic function is not affected.

We should deal with the objection to the idea that women can come through vaginal orgasm during intercourse due to indirect clitoral stimulation.

Circumstantial evidence against this idea is the fact that penile stimulation of the vagina, and especially of the cervix, stimulates not only the pudendal nerve activated by the clitoris, but also the pelvic, hypogastric, and vagus nerves, which do not show significant stimulation from the region of the clitoris.

Indeed, stimulation of both the cervix and the vagina in woman with complete spinal cord injury (which means that the brain has no connection to the clitoris, but receives stimulation apparently from the vagus nerve which is induced by the penis buffeting the woman's cervix) can lead to orgasm.

The researchers observed that the vagus nerve has also got an association with processes of attention, emotional regulation, and possibly even pair bonding.

And because the vagus nerve has parasympathetic cardiovascular effects, it isn't too surprising that people who had had penile vagina intercourse in the two weeks before a laboratory stress test showed lower blood pressure reactivity and faster blood-pressure recovery than those who had not have sexual activity.

It's not hard to see a physiological basis to explain how a woman who regularly has vaginal orgasms will be more relaxed and happy, and able to enter more fully into relationship and partnership with a man.

The researchers make the rather cynical observation that post-Kinsey doctrinaire attempts to inculcate a belief in the general population that penile length has no significance during intercourse are refuted by the widespread acceptance that penis size (length)is important.

(Although how they reached the conclusion that there is such a "widespread" acceptance is not stated). Using this implicit acceptance -- the origin of which is not specified -- as the base for that argument they then go on to say that even if a particular penis is not long enough to stimulate the cervix and uterus, a woman can still have a vaginal orgasm from stimulation of those parts of the vagina nearer the opening.

They baldly state that the evidence of their research shows that women who are qualified to make the comparison (that is to say by virtue of the number of sexual partners they have had) state that they are more likely to have an orgasm during penile-vaginal intercourse with a long penis with a short one. (They also speculate that men with a long penis might be better lovers, which a statement that takes this research from the realms of science into fantasy.)

Even more fantastical, they conclude that the orgasmic consistency of a woman is in fact associated with the duration of penile-vaginal intercourse but not with the duration of foreplay.

That runs counter to every woman's experience that I've ever heard about, which leads me to believe that while some parts of this study may be accurate, others are definitely speculative. And if you still cannot achieve orgasm.....well, perhaps the way to go is to use treatment for sexual dysfunction - you can often find this online.

For men with premature ejaculation issues, it is vital to get good information about premature ejaculation control for men, so you can overcome this problem and last longer in bed. Needless to say, stopping premature is tricky - if it wasn't, then more men would do it!

Controlling ejaculation can be like stopping a runaway train - it carries on until it crashes off the rails...you therefore need to get a sex therapist available for online counseling, one who can tell you bow to control your ejaculation, how to make a woman orgasm, before you enter her, and how to pleasure her as she needs during intercourse. Such sexual dysfunction cures may allow you as a couple to enjoy simultaneous orgasm.

In general however their conclusions are sound: that sex education, sexual medicine, and social policy need not only to be supportive of women's health, but also to be supportive of the concept of vaginal orgasm.

I would go further: even if vaginal orgasm does not exist (although I believe very firmly that it does), it is inappropriate to educate women to believe that the clitoris is the only source of sexual stimulation.

For one thing, both the routine experience of women during sex and ample scientific research demonstrate that a woman has a more powerful orgasm when clitoral stimulation is supplemented by stimulation on the area of the G spot. That much is obvious to any man who gives any woman an orgasm on a regular basis!

And it's also true that some sexual positions will be more effective than others at stimulating the G spot - though of course it also depends to some extent on the shape and size of the man's penis.

The Kama Sutra's sex advice recognized this centuries ago - by observing that a man with small genitals needs to have sex with a similar woman, and that matches between men and women with very different sized genitals would not provide pleasure.

However, having said that, the researchers' intentions are in the right place (propagating the view that the G spot exists), for they make the observation that many North American university courses -- even women's studies courses -- include as standard, texts that falsely claim that vaginal orgasm doesn't exist or is very rare. Because the vaginal orgasm is  considered to be a myth created by a patriarchal view of female sexuality - thanks, Sigmund.

There is certainly a wide range of empirical evidence, and anecdotal evidence, that demonstrates those anti-vaginal orgasm statements are false. More importantly, if the conclusions about the benefits of vaginal orgasm stated in their study are true, these assumptions are also damaging to women's health in general and sexual health and well-being in particular.

Assertions that vaginal orgasms are a myth alienate women from men and from their own sexual well-being and sexual enjoyment.

how to make a woman come

Ways To Give A Woman A Great Orgasm

Here's a very short and extremely effective guide to ensuring you get her off with maximum pleasure and minimum fuss!

1 Watch The Video Below By Sex Educator Laci Green: It Describes How A Woman Can Ejaculate During Orgasm

Laci's got the facts bang on about female ejaculation (aka "squirting").

Of course, you don't have to know how to make a woman come with female ejaculation to give her pleasure.

But when you do make a woman ejaculate, she'll have a massive orgasm.

In fact, she'll experience the greatest pleasure possible.

Best of all, it's not hard to give a woman a squirting orgasm (aka "female ejaculation").

2 When you've watched the video, find out how to give a woman an orgasm better than any she's ever had before - check out the information in the left hand column of this page.

 

 

And a bit of fun - How to Fake An Orgasm Video - "Advice" For Women


About 1 woman in 10 has never had an orgasm during either masturbation or partnered sex - an amazing statistic.

But happily, the great news is that it is possible for a woman to learn how to have orgasms, and for a man to learn how to give an orgasm to a woman - indeed, that is what this website is all about.

The first step for any woman who wants to develop her capacity to be orgasmic is to understand exactly how the female body behaves on the way to orgasm.

And to some extent, the same is true for men who want to take their female partners to climax.

There's an interesting balance of tension and relaxation during the sexual arousal process for a woman, which helps her to achieve an orgasm during sexual activity.

You often read that an orgasm is based on the release of bodily tension which builds up during arousal.

That's true, but this information alone doesn't necessarily help a woman to achieve orgasm - she also needs to know how to balance muscular tension with adequate relaxation -- interestingly, the latter is often more about her mental attitude than her physical state.

Orgasms Are Needed For Good Emotional and Physical Health

Now, if you're a woman, and a bit confused about how to have an orgasm, or a man and you don't know how to give a woman an orgasm, let's look at this in more detail.

 

Advice For Women On Reaching Orgasm
(With Or Without Ejaculation)

Step 1: Tense Up

It's a mistake to think that you should just lie there whilst your partner (or you yourself) plays with your clitoris until you reach a natural climax! In fact, if you are pre-orgasmic you may find that a fair amount of tension in the muscles of your legs, abdomen and even your buttocks can help you to come more quickly.

It's also true that tensing the muscles of your lower pelvis and around your genitals can help give you an orgasm. These are the muscles that you'd use to stop the flow of urine as you are peeing, and conscious, deliberate contraction of those muscles - Kegel exercises - can strengthen the muscles of the bladder, pelvis and vagina.

Video about Kegel exercises

The connection between tension in these muscles and reaching orgasm is as follows: tensing these muscles increases your sexual arousal by stimulating the genitals, both with extra blood flow and with the muscular tension itself.

Many women who masturbate by squeezing their thighs together find later in life that they are so habituated to this method of reaching orgasm that they cannot do so in any other way! (Although it's always possible to learn how to come quickly in other ways.)

Step 2: Relax

To be fully able to get to orgasm, a woman needs to be relaxed, confident and happy that she's safe, with a partner who she desires and loves, and with whom she really wants to have sex.

She may also need to feel emotionally connected to him. One of the best things that a man can offer a woman when he is trying to give a woman an orgasm is the reassurance that she can lie back, relax, and enjoy his attention free of anxiety, while he gives her the space in which she can relax into her orgasm mentally.

A woman can also repeat positive affirmations such as, "I can take all the time I want and I will have a powerful orgasm. And if I don't it doesn't matter because I can just relax and enjoy all the sensations."

This kind of positive self-talk can be very helpful in reassuring a woman that she's actually in a place where she can take the time and relax enough to fully enter into her sexual pleasure.

She can also visualize images such as this: for example, lying in a field in the sunshine with the sensuous sunny warmth streaming over her body and stimulating her clitoris and breasts.

Each woman can experiment with visualization and see what arouses her most.

There's no doubt that fantasy can be really helpful in increasing a woman's arousal sufficiently for her to reach orgasm more easily.

Having said that, the disadvantage of fantasy is that it takes a woman away from her partner and also from the connection with him.

So, in summary therefore, the method is to tense the muscles in your body in a way that makes you feel more aroused while you simultaneously relax your mind and become open to the possibility of moving into orgasm.

For many women the barrier is a point just before orgasm where instead of relaxing into the orgasm and letting it flow through them, they tense up and stop it happening. This is the experience a woman may often have: to be on the verge of orgasm and then to feel it slip away from her.

I Can't Reach Orgasm !

What if you really can't reach orgasm despite all the advice on this website (and in particular in the members' area)?

Start by seeing a doctor, in case you are on medication that is interfering with your orgasmic response.

Also, there is an FDA approved device called an Eros which increases blood flow to the genitals - but it's only available on prescription. However, it can certainly help some women to get an orgasm.

There is also a variety of creams, lotions and potions on the Internet, offered by websites of greater or lesser honesty. Whether you try these are not is entirely up to you but exercise a great deal of caution. If these compounds are made in overseas factories, the conditions may be far from hygienic.

And even assuming that they are made in decent conditions, there is no way of knowing if the active ingredients claimed on the label are actually in the product or whether they work or not.

The fact is that over 90% of the difficulties women have in learning how to have an orgasm stem from psychological issues, which is fantastic because it means that you can learn to be orgasmic comparatively easily.

Consider the following questions if you are anorgasmic:

  • What is there about your relationship that's stopping you from achieving orgasm?

  • Do you have some kind of performance anxiety?

  • Do you feel that you're not good enough?

  • Or is it a much more fundamental issue that you don't really want to be having sex with that particular person?

Spend a little time thinking about all these issues and you may well come up with some surprising answers that help you to establish just why you're having trouble coming (also known as "cumming") during sex.

If you're anxious or stressed or you feel any time pressure while you're having sex with your partner, you may not experience an orgasm very easily.

Such things as time pressure and anxiety distance you from your sexual arousal and inhibit the development of the relaxed state of mind that's necessary for an orgasm -- and may make you feel tense in your body. In particular, you can't achieve the mental relaxation that is necessary for you to enjoy opening out into orgasm.

Self-talk which is critical definitely will prevent you from reaching orgasm.

This includes questions that you address yourself such as "Am I doing this right? Am I going to have an orgasm? What does he think of my body?"

To overcome this level of self-consciousness takes sexual confidence and experience, plus a reasonable level of self-esteem.

So, if this kind of issue is affecting you, you might want to try some kind of psychotherapy at a more general level to help you feel better about yourself.

Having said that, many women grow into their sexual selves and become much more confident sexually as they get more experience: the question is whether or not you want to wait for that to happen naturally or to speed up the process by getting some kind of therapeutic input.

A good place to start is with the information on how to have an orgasm on this website, since all the material we have is exactly what you'd get from a therapist. 

Finally make sure you can ask your partner for what you want. Men have a straightforward response to sexual stimulation - they are aroused, they get an orgasm easily (usually*), they feel good and then sleep........

Yes, of course I'm exaggerating slightly, but you probably know what I mean! A woman's orgasmic response is much more susceptible to disturbance than a man's, and he may not understand this while trying to give his partner an orgasm.

Unfortunately, it is often challenging for a man to move from his own frame of reference about achieving orgasm into his partner's, so tact, diplomacy, and open and honest communication are essential.

*Cases of delayed ejaculation are the exception.

Here are some interesting facts concerning the female orgasm:

1 Almost all women require clitoral stimulation before they have an orgasm.

It's true that many women find vaginal stimulation to be arousing and very pleasant, but I think most women also require clitoral stimulation to tip them over into the actual experience of orgasm. This is true whether or not they rub their clitorises directly with hand or finger or a sex toy or they use friction against a pillow or some other object.

2 A man may be able to give a woman an orgasm during intercourse if he first arouses her right to the edge of orgasm before he enters her and then continues stimulating her  clitoris as they make love. This way, she may have an orgasm as he enjoys thrusting in her vagina.

The truth is, of course, that as soon as she starts to orgasm he's likely to ejaculate immediately because it's an extremely powerful and exciting experience for him.

There's nothing wrong with this, but it can mean that he loses the ability or desire to develop greater ejaculatory control, and this in turn may deprive her of a significant amount of sexual pleasure derived from the friction of his penis on her G spot.

3 Between a third and a half of women say they don't orgasm often enough or they are not satisfied with the quality of their orgasm.

Most of these problems are caused by "performance anxiety", about not achieving the right balance between physical tension, sexual arousal, and mental relaxation and openness.

4 A whopping 33 to 50% of women experience orgasm infrequently and are dissatisfied with how often they reach orgasm.

5 Apparently between 10 and 15% of American women have never had an orgasm either during masturbation or with a sex partner.

This seems incredible, in what's supposed to be an enlightened era of sexual knowledge. I'm not sure I believe it, but clearly a significant number of women don't enjoy regular orgasm.

It's up to every woman to take charge of her sexual destiny and make sure that she can get as many orgasms as she wishes. A supportive partner can be very helpful here if he knows how to give a woman an orgasm.

However, becoming fully orgasmic is often a process of self-discovery on a much wider front, and all the tools and techniques you need to do this are described in detail on this website.

More to the point, learning to reach orgasm can be great fun -  it's a wonderful journey when you discover your body's potential for pleasure and is really enjoyable - particularly if you've experienced shame around issues of sexuality in the past.

6 The main reasons women cannot achieve orgasm include ignorance about their own bodies and sexuality, and fear or anxiety around sex, guilt around sex, and, last but not least, fear of letting go. 

And some facts concerning female ejaculation

Because of the Internet, most men have probably heard of female ejaculation, and the possibility of bringing a woman to an intense orgasm with fluid ejaculated from her vagina.

We call these "squirting orgasms". If you want to see how it's done, there are plenty of videos online which show female ejaculation.

However, what's probably more interesting if you're trying to make a woman gush is how you can do it with your own partner in a way that she's going to find acceptable.

You see, most of the videos on the Internet show women being stimulated extremely hard with a man's fingers, thrusting in and out of the vagina with a ferocity that few women are likely to accept.

If you take that approach, you most likely will never be able to get your woman anywhere near female ejaculation, and you're going to be resigned to a lifetime of watching female ejaculation videos!

So the question is, is there a way of making it more acceptable for the average woman, so that she can squirt, and that you can both enjoy the experience?

Well yes there is, and it's not that difficult to do -- but there are some things you have to overcome first.

The first one of them is the woman's fear that actually when she ejaculate during orgasm she's going to wet the bed, or urinate.

And this isn't hard to understand: many women, particularly those who had children, do experience slight leakage of urine when they laugh, lift things, or even when they reach orgasm. This is about the strength of the pelvic floor muscles, and kegel exercises are the traditional remedy.

Now no woman wants to admit that she's urinated when she comes, so first and foremost she's going have to accept that the fluid expelled from her vulva, often quite forcibly, if or when she achieves a squirting orgasm, is not urine.

One way to help her get over this fear is to have her to empty her bladder before sex starts, but also to do a little bit of research on the Internet to demonstrate the nature of this fluid: it's actually prostatic fluid.

location of the g spot

Well of course women don't have a prostate gland, so to say that it's prostatic fluid is simply inaccurate -- but there is something in common with the male prostate gland.

Around the urethra, a woman has a collection of tissue which is directly related to male prostatic tissue. Embryological, they probably come from the same place in both men and women, but only under the influence of the Y chromosome and testosterone, in a male embryo, does this develop into the prostate gland.

In fact, you'll see the prostatic tissue in women referred to variously as the female prostate, the G spot, or Skene's glands, or the paraurethral glands.

location of the G spot

It doesn't make any difference what you call them, because the function of this tissue is to produce fluid, which in the male would make up the volume of semen.

In the woman this has no purpose (like male nipples), but it builds up fluid during sexual excitement in the area known as the G spot, which can be expelled when the woman reaches orgasm if she is uninhibited about the possibility of making a wet patch (sometimes a very big wet patch), and the very intimate nature of sharing this act with her partner.

So you have to talk to her about this before you even try to achieve it otherwise it isn't going to work.

Having said all of that, the other important factor to take into account is that some women simply don't seem to be able to get female ejaculation.

Helping your woman to understand the process by watching a female ejaculation video together can be very helpful -- the Jason Julius video advertised in the left-hand column of this page can certainly be a talking point for the two of you.

The so here are the instructions that you're going to need to follow if you want to help your woman to ejaculate, or achieve a squirting orgasm.

Number 1

Ask her to  go to the toilet to empty her bladder.

Number 2

Give her extensive foreplay, and make sure that you are both very turned on, that you are feeling intimate, loving and connected.

G spot stimulation, which is what I'm going to call prostatic tissue, works much better when the woman is feeling an emotional connection to her lover, and she's emotionally as well as physically aroused.

Indeed, for some reason, the G spot seems to be the central focus of emotional attachment during intercourse. Stimulating the G spot can produce a whole load of emotional experiences for a woman -- and it becomes swollen with fluid much more easily when she's engaged in sex that has a strongly emotional component.

Number 3

Find her G spot -- by putting a finger inside her vagina, with the pad of your fingertip uppermost, and about 2 inches inside on the upper surface of the vagina, when she is aroused, you should be able to feel smooth that swollen area which represents the G spot.

If you feel ridges, she's not aroused enough, and you need to go back to gentle external clitoral stimulation until she is sufficiently aroused.

You might also need to say a few sweet nothings like "I love you" to make sure she's in the right frame of mind. Having plenty of time and no distractions helps too!

Number 4

Stimulate her G spot with a well lubricated finger -- lots of lube is essential. She may complain that you she wants to urinate when you press on the G spot, but the sensation will pass with continued stimulation. Obviously she's got an empty bladder, so she's not likely to need to urinate.

Number 5

Either continue to use your fingers or use a smooth toy to stimulate the G spot.

This is about stimulating the G spot until she feels like she's ready to ejaculate. You can use your penis if you have great staying power, but the problem is that if you hit her G spot in the right place and with the right rhythm, she's likely to get so around so quickly that it makes you come, after which you have very little chance of achieving female ejaculation.

And with a finger you're going to have greater control and you're going to be able to contain your own excitement.

The sensation that she needs to urinate will pass, and it will be replaced by an intense sensation of excitement. At this point she may be ready to ejaculate, but this is going to require her to keep yourself open and relaxed, and to allow the fluid to flow out of her. If she's going to reach orgasm, it may help if she pushes downwards and outwards with the pelvic floor muscles.

Good communication with you is essential, and reassurance may be needed. Keep talking! Keep reassuring her!

You may have already noticed when your woman achieves orgasm that she ejaculates little bit of clear fluid anyway.

Female ejaculation is actually the forceful ejection of this fluid from the urethral canal by means of muscular contraction, after a longer build up which allows more fluid to accumulate.

female ejaculation

Menu - other pages on the site

Advice for men: How to give a woman an orgasm - what to do if she can't come

How to have a climax through masturbation

Reach climax during masturbation

Climax through sensual massage for a woman

How to make yourself have an orgasm

Becoming orgasmic through sensual touch

Check out your body image

Menstruation and other reasons why women are anorgasmic

How to get your partner to help you come!

Advice for men - ways to give a woman an orgasm

Social constructs of female sexual pleasure

Sexual psychotherapy and physical therapy

Classification of female sexual dysfunction and anorgasmia

Giving women orgasms they'll appreciate

How to give a woman an orgasm during foreplay or intercourse

The best way to reach orgasm during sexual intercourse

Discover how to give a woman an orgasm easily!

How to make a woman come

Advice for men - how to give a woman an orgasm with oral sex

How men can see a woman orgasming with oral sex

Have you orgasmed? Accepting your body the way it is

Why you can't come - the causes of female anorgasmia

How to appreciate your body and achieve orgasm

How to reach orgasm through masturbation and self-touch

Men - about giving women orgasms with sensual massage

Updated 10/09/2014

October 09 2014