How To Give An Orgasm During Masturbation

Men - help a woman discover the pleasure of sexual self-touch and come to orgasm!

Sexual pleasure is both physical and mental. What feels pleasurable to you is the combination of mental imagery, sensations, beliefs, feelings and the physical pleasure you get in your body.

The physical pleasure of orgasm is felt in your body, while the accompanying mental thoughts and feelings either add to or detract from sexual arousal and pleasure.

Obviously many things contribute to this combination of physical and emotional pleasure, and what exactly this is for you will be a mixture of things unique to you.

But do you have any idea what goes into the mix for you? Are you aware of the ways that you like to be touched that will give you pleasure? Do you have a sense of the thoughts, images, fantasies and feelings which will help you to feel sexually aroused?

Do you have a sense of how you like to touch yourself to give yourself sexual pleasure?

If you aren't aware of these things, then this exercise will help you understand what it is that gives you sexual pleasure now, and will do so even more when you are less conflicted about sex. There is nothing wrong with wanting to experience pleasure, nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy the capacity for orgasms that your body can give you.

Whatever lessons you were taught as a child, overtly or covertly, the thing to keep in mind is that your body is not just a vehicle for sexual pleasure for someone else, though it may be very good at fulfilling that role.

Your body is a vehicle for your own physical pleasure, your own orgasms, and your own sexual fulfillment. But of course your male partner may wish to share the possibility of sexual pleasure with you..... indeed, he may wish to give you an orgasm by masturbation.

Masturbation - or self-pleasuring - is a great way to learn what kind of touch pleases you and arouses you sexually. It's also a way of becoming more familiar with your body and learning how to enjoy sex - and hopefully experiencing orgasms.

You may feel some shame or guilt around using the word masturbation, but the message we would like to convey to you is that masturbation is normal, natural, healthy and a very good thing!

Apart from increasing awareness of your own body, it can help you to enjoy sex with a partner since you will be able to convey to your partner what pleases you and makes you feel fulfilled during sex - as well as what is most likely to make you orgasm.

Self-pleasuring to give yourself an orgasm - i.e. masturbation - will make you more and more comfortable with orgasm and more and more comfortable with sexual experiences.

The more orgasms you have, the more relaxed about sex you'll become, and you'll be able to share these experiences of sexual arousal and orgasm with a partner more easily.

You'll also experience a greater sense of control over your own body, a fact which can be important if this control was taken away from you by someone during childhood.

Greater ease with your body leads to greater control over your sexuality and a greater likelihood of orgasm.

Knowing that you are in charge of your body is a powerful way of coming to enjoy sex more: you know that if your body is your own territory, it's up to you who you share its pleasures with - you are free to make an informed choice around sexual issues.

To reassure you that masturbating is normal, we should point out that a majority of adults masturbate, both men and women. It's a healthy, normal and natural thing to do, a supplement to sex, not a substitute.

Married men and women masturbate, as do single men and women, whether or not they enjoy good sex lives.

And in no way does masturbating make you abnormal, inadequate or a sexual failure. Far from it - as we have already said, masturbation to orgasm enhances your sex life; in fact masturbation makes it even easier for you to enjoy your own orgasms since you have a greater sense of control over your body, and you know what excites you sexually. Here are some statistics from a survey of hundreds of women.

How women reach orgasm

When asked if they masturbated, the responses were as follows:

  • 82% of women masturbate
    15% of women do not masturbate
    3% of women didn't reply

  • Of the women who said they masturbated:

  • 66.0% reached orgasm "always"
    29.3% reached orgasm "sometimes"
    3.0% reached orgasm "occasionally"
    and just a few reached orgasm "rarely"

  • When requested to provide some details about how they reached orgasm through masturbation, nearly all women said they masturbated by playing with their clitoris and vulva:

  • 73.0% played with their clitoris and/or vulva while lying on their backs
    5.5% did the same while lying on their stomachs
    4.0% pressed or thrusted their clitoral/vulva area against a soft object such as a pillow
    3.0% pressed their thighs together rhythmically
    2.0% used water massage from a shower head
    1.5% used vaginal penetration exclusively to reach orgasm, and
    11.0% of women used more than one of the above methods to masturbate

  • And if you're wondering how you compare in terms of frequency of masturbation:

  • 39% of women claimed to masturbate daily
    61% said they masturbated once a week or less

When asked if they incorporated vaginal penetration as part of masturbation, fewer than five percent said they always engaged in vaginal penetration during masturbation; about another ten to fifteen percent of the respondents said that they did at least sometimes.

These women would put things in their vaginas for longer or shorter periods, often one or two fingers, sometimes candles, other household objects, or sex toys.

Sometimes a woman would put her fingers in her vagina just to collect some of her natural lubrication to apply to her vulva or clitoris while she masturbated. Sometimes the penetration was brief, just at the moment of orgasm.

Overall, the figures are hard to analyze, but what is very clear is that overall, penetration is less important than clitoral stimulation to the majority of women during masturbation.

When they do penetrate themselves, women tend to fall about 50:50 into the two camps of moving the fingers or object in-and-out or putting it in and leaving it there.

A small number of women enjoyed anal penetration during masturbation.

If you masturbate you won't feel less desire for your partner because there's no specific number of orgasms you need each week - which means that masturbating will not make you want sex with your partner any less than you do already.

In fact masturbation is actually likely to make your sex life better since we know that women who have no orgasmic experience through masturbation find it difficult to become orgasmic with their partners.

You need to know how to have orgasms alone before you can enjoy orgasms during sex with your partner (whatever that means, whether intercourse, masturbation, or oral sex).

By the way - you won't become dependent on masturbation for your orgasmic pleasure, either!

Think of it as an adjunct to your sex life, one that can greatly enhance your sexual pleasure, and you can see how being able to masturbate to orgasm is of great benefit to your sexual self-awareness. And if you can show your partner how you like to be touched, he will know how to give a female an orgasm much more readily too.

Self-exploration - masturbation

You're going to need about an hour for this exercise. Start by enjoying something that makes you relax - perhaps sunbathing, time in a hammock, or a warm bath. Set up a pleasant environment, using music, scents or whatever decoration you need to make yourself comfortable.

Use oil as you touch yourself, or anything which makes you feel more relaxed and luxurious: silk fabrics, lotion, or whatever.

Smooth the oil onto your body and gently run your fingers over your body, feeling the sensuous touch as you touch skin against skin.

Play with your breasts, thighs, and belly. Try different types of strokes and different ways of touching yourself. Get into the touch - place your attention wherever your touch takes you.

Enjoy the sensations, and focus on them so you are not distracted.

Move your fingers down to your labia and find your clitoris. Stroke gently around the area, doing whatever feels best: you might like to run your fingers up and down your labia, across the opening to your vagina, and then up and around your clitoris.

Experiment until you find something that works well for you. Try one or both hands, perhaps with one hand touching or penetrating your vagina, and the other playing with your clitoris.

Try different pressures and strokes; as you play with the sexual parts of your body, try touching other, less sexual, areas at the same time.

Focus on what feels good and do more of it - and try and abandon yourself to the feelings, reveling in the sense of pleasure that your body can give you.

If you find that you get tense as you try this, exhale deeply and let your body relax as you do so. When you're ready, you can come back to the present......

Try to let go of any particular expectations, just allow yourself to experience whatever you feel in your body. If you feel happy and relaxed, that's enough. If you don't feel any pleasure at all, it's OK.

Just notice how different types of touch affect you, notice which you like best and notice any different feelings in different areas. It's also useful to try this exercise at different times of the month.

Women's responses to sexual and sensual touch can vary greatly according to their hormonal cycle. Sometimes you may become aroused very quickly, sometimes it takes ages.

You might find that the same strokes and movements can drive you wild at times but only feel gently pleasurable at others.

And there might be times when they do nothing for you and you feel you really can't be bothered! This is normal. You may also find you have a different response at different times of day. Listen to your body and don't try to force anything.

  • If you have just tried this exercise for the first time, take a few moments afterwards to think about how it felt, and how you feel now.

  • Did anything surprise you?

  • Did you have different sensations in different places?

  • What did you enjoy?

  • What didn't feel good?

  • Were you conscious of feeling pressured to get aroused?

  • If so, next time remember to focus on the sensations themselves rather than where you think they should be taking you.

Did you find the exercise repellent or upsetting in any way? Then slow down and focus on relaxing more.

Remember this is about you learning about yourself and becoming more comfortable with your own body. When you feel ready to try again, choose a quiet time when there's no time pressure and you know you won't be disturbed.

Do one of the relaxation exercises first and aim to spend only a few moments touching your body. Increase the time gradually as you become more comfortable with the process.

If after several sessions you continue to have negative feelings such as fear, shame or anger then take some time to think about what these emotions might be telling you.

Perhaps there is a past experience or unpleasant memory influencing how you feel and blocking the good feelings.

Noticing and exploring these negative feelings can help to take away their power. Name the feeling and decide where in your body you feel it most. Imagine its shape and color in your mind.

If you want to, you can draw a picture of it. Focus on it in your body and in time you may feel it getting smaller and weaker.

If this process is really challenging you may want to try some of the following ideas and activities to help it along.

And if sexual difficulties still prevail, for men it may be helpful to read more information on how to bring a woman to orgasm - and that means before or during sexual intercourse begins, so that he can give her the highest level of sexual pleasure in the way she desires.

That can produce a much closer relationship and allow a couple to experiment with new sexual techniques such as aspiring to simultaneous orgasm.

For a man to be able to do this, however, he will need an effective premature ejaculation treatment, but this is good, because it all contributes to both personal and sexual development, as using new sexual techniques can stop boredom, allow you to find new areas of sexual skill you were unaware of, and enjoy sex much more than before.

SOME TECHNIQUES FOR EXAMINING AND CHANGING NEGATIVE FEELINGS

1 Think again about the names you have given to your negative feelings. Try to be specific and accurate. For instance, do you feel revulsion or is it shame? Is it shame or guilt?

Is it shame about sex in general or a particular sexual activity? The reason for doing this is that the more specifically you can identify the feeling, the easier it is to change or diminish it.

2 Think again about why these feelings might be arising. Very often they originate from past events or from childhood conditioning. In many families sex and genitals are taboo subjects and the child learns that certain parts of their body are unmentionable and to be kept hidden away.

  • Since the female genitals are less prominent than the male penis, many girl children grow up without even knowing what this part of their body is called. Popular euphemisms are "down there" or "down below".

  • Did this give you a negative view of your own genitals?

  • Did parents, grandparents, teachers or other children tell you that sex or genitals were "dirty"?

  • Were you punished or discouraged from touching your own genitals when you were very young?

  • Or is it not only sex but the concept of pleasure that is difficult?

3 Now look again, as an adult, at whatever beliefs your childhood experience gave you.

  • Do you still believe them?

  • Do you feel they are really serving your best interest?

  • Does it really seem wrong to touch and explore your own body?

  • Do you really believe it is wrong to enjoy relaxation and pleasure? Is some kind of fear holding you back, and if so is the fear rational or irrational?

  • If a close friend shared a similar problem with you, would you advise them to hold on to their childhood patterning or gently dismantle it?

4 Are you uncomfortable with your body generally, or only with your sexual body? In either case, why do you think that is? How does it affect your life?

5 You can develop an affirmation (or more than one) to help you diminish the power which these negative beliefs and emotions have over you.

You can say the affirmation (a positive statement) aloud each day, or write it out several times. Saying it out loud to yourself while looking in the mirror, morning and night, can be very effective.

Give yourself a smile too! If you use the affirmation every day for at least three weeks it is likely that your brain will begin to shift the old negative patterns.

Your affirmation(s) or positive statement must be personal to you. It needs to contain positive language, and it needs to be in the present tense. For instance, "I appreciate and enjoy my body", not "I will be less negative about my body". Here are some examples of affirmations to help you develop your own.

  • "I am a grown adult and my body is mine to enjoy and have control over."

  • "I am taking the first step towards a more fulfilled life."

  • "My childhood experiences belong to the past and I now choose to let them go."

  • "Exploring my body is natural. Enjoying pleasure is natural."

  • "I am grown up and I choose to reject my parents' fears and beliefs."

  • "I enjoy looking at my face/hair/skin/eyes. It is also normal to enjoy all the other parts of my body."

  • "My breasts, vulva and clitoris show that I am a grown woman. They can give me and my partner a lot of pleasure."

  • "The part of me that wants to grow and change is more powerful than the old inhibited part."

  • "It is my right as a grown woman to enjoy pleasure through my body."

  • "The part of me that's negative is gradually fading, and the part of me that wants to grow and change is getting stronger."

Some unfortunate health issues which may affect your sexual pleasure and enjoyment include acid reflux - the discomfort of lying down or the exertion of lovemaking can be very disruptive to sexual harmony. For such problems, you can almost certainly find good acid reflux remedies online, and this should significantly improve your enjoyment of sex.

Home
How to give a woman an orgasm
Making orgasms easy!
How to make a woman come
Giving women orgasms to appreciate
More about giving orgasms during sex
Reach orgasm during intercourse
You, your body, and orgasms
Masturbation & female orgasm
Orgasms & better sexual techniques
Perspectives on the female orgasm

More about masturbation
Overcoming anorgasmia - using a vibrator
More about masturbation
Mutual masturbation