How To Give A Woman An Orgasm Through Sensual Massage
Sensual massage is a wonderful process which can get you back in touch with the good feelings which you can enjoy from your body, and even take you to climax.
We tend to lose sight of the fact that our skin is the outermost and very sensitive covering of our bodies, and we can use that fact to gain a lot of pleasure: being touched by our partners in a non-sexual way can be a very enjoyable experience!
Sensual massage implies that you are not focused on sex, that you are just going to enjoy the physical pleasure of being touched in a loving and gentle way by your partner.
This is very enjoyable, but it also reinforces the emotional connection between you and your partner and it can help in making you feel bonded, emotionally close and loving towards each other.
Sensual implies something that is non-sexual, non-genital, and that's exactly how you can approach the practice of sensual massage.
Although this isn't necessarily sexual, it's definitely sensual: being able to give someone a relaxation massage is a wonderful skill, and in the case of a lover can be wonderful prelude to sex (or possibly a wonderful thing to do after sex, if you're feeling especially indulgent...).
There's no shortage of books and classes on how to give someone a relaxing full-body massage, but here are a few basic tips:
In general, the feeling of relaxation you get after a good full-body massage from your partner isn't that different from the feeling of relaxation you get after sex with your partner: in each case the body's basic need for touch, which is a basic human need, is being satisfied.
Please be careful if your partner has acid reflux. This is not a condition which always responds well to massage, and your objective is not to give your partner any more discomfort or make the GERD (Gastroesophageal Disease) worse.
It's always important to exchange information so that you know what your partner is feeling, and what is good for them and what isn't.
This communication doesn't need to be extensive - it can be just be single words like good, harder, softer, slower, deeper, that's good, and so on. This means the person massaging knows what to do and the person receiving is getting the experience they want.
If the person massaging is unsure about what they are doing, they can say: "How's that?" By being more in touch with each other's needs and wishes, the massage is more likely to be beneficial.
After you have had a few sessions, include the more sexual areas of the body - buttocks and breasts, but only by mutual consent.
As you progress, grow more comfortable about giving and receiving, and get to know each other's bodies better, you can include the genital region, although again this is not compulsory, and remember all of the massage you give and receive is by mutual consent.
The objective is not to get sexually aroused - it's about
pleasuring each other through touch (and we don't mean sexually pleasuring!
orgasms are involved - at least, not at this stage of the process!)
You can keep your attention on your feelings, your experiences and the sensations you are receiving as they massage you.
If this doesn't work for you, in the sense that you feel agitated when you are massaging your partner, it may be that you are focusing too much on their pleasure.
Try massaging them from your own viewpoint - in other words, do what feels good to you as the massager.
When you remove the pressure of pleasing your partner (especially if you have added pressure because you don't know exactly what they want - in which case how can you ever satisfy them?) and start thinking more about giving them what feels good, by thinking about what feels good to you as you give the massage, then you are more likely to enjoy massaging, and give a better massage.
If you feel anxious, stressed, tired, distracted or grumpy, then it is probably not such a good idea to offer a massage nor to accept one. However, it's possible that focusing on the massage will take you away from your concerns, and allow you to relax into a better frame of mind.
How To Be Orgasmic
You may or may not want sex as you learn to become fully orgasmic. However, it's likely your man will want sex.
Here are some suggestions about how you might manage the situation, perhaps by using masturbation.
If your man wishes to have sex with you as you learn how to be orgasmic during sex, and you don't want this level of intimacy - which is possible - then you may be in a difficult situation unless you can offer him some alternative.
The most obvious way you can get round this is by asking him to masturbate or by offering to pleasure him yourself in this way. He can then continue to enjoy satisfying orgasms, with your support, as you enjoy intimacy with him.
One of the advantages of this compromise is that he can give you an orgasm by masturbation, and you can gracefully yield to his sexual desires without compromising yourself.
Let him masturbate with you without losing the pleasure of regular orgasm, yet at the same time the emotional pressure associated with full intercourse is removed as you work on your sexual responsiveness and orgasmic potential.
From his point of view, orgasm by masturbation may not seem as attractive as intercourse, but with a bit of understanding and tolerance, it can be a good compromise.
For the man who wants to give a woman an orgasm
Being able to masturbate as your partner develops her capacity to enjoy orgasms will allow you to experience sexual pleasure at the same time as making it easier for her to practice the exercises which will lead her to a much richer enjoyment of sex and orgasm.
Being able to give a woman an orgasm fairly reliably is obviously a desirable sexual skill for a man.
If you are willing to masturbate instead of enjoy sex with her, she will not have sense that you have been deprived of sex and orgasms because of her actions: and this will increase the likelihood of her developing her full orgasmic potential. She needs, at this point, to be able to focus on her own needs and sensitivities, not to be worrying about whether or not you are sexually satisfied!
At the same time, because she is doing this work, and you won't be having sex, you don't have to worry about whether or not you will be able to "give her an orgasm".
The responsibility for her orgasm ultimately lies with her, and it is her work which will allow her to develop to the place where she can reach orgasm easily. However, culturally, men are conditioned to believe that somehow they are responsible for giving a woman an orgasm.
Since it's highly enjoyable, why don't you just learn how to give a woman an orgasm, so you know what to do when she wants sexual pleasure and climactic release?
You don't have to worry about this if you are willing to masturbate to orgasm instead of enjoying intercourse.
Furthermore, you will probably be surprised how much you enjoy some of the sensuous exercises in the program, which are about getting in touch with your body and enhancing your capacity to enjoy physical pleasure (which may just mean enjoying touch and physical closeness, not necessarily sex).
For the woman:
What are orgasms all about? Check out the function of the female orgasm here.
Make sure that you are whole-hearted about having your man enjoy masturbation, especially if you are sharing the experience with him. The fact that you aren't having sex with him is a choice, and you need to be committed to that choice.
If you feel in some way that the fact that he is not having sex with you represents a rejection of your femininity or your attractiveness, think again! This is a choice that you've made to help you along the path to full orgasmic potential.
And there is the possibility that he may not wish to
masturbate, that he can accept the situation just as it is, in other words, that
not having sex and not having orgasms is acceptable for him - at least on a
The short way to deal with this is for you to be genuinely happy to give him an orgasm, or just provide sexual pleasure for him, whatever form that takes (but assuming it ends in him enjoying an orgasm and ejaculating).
If you are truly happy and relaxed about doing
this, completely lacking in resentment that he wants you to do it, and feeling
pleased that he is getting pleasure in this way, there is no reason why any of
this would impact on your progress towards becoming orgasmic.
The sensuous massage experiences, both giving and receiving, are well worth incorporating into your sexual routine, both before, during and after the program which we have set out in this website.
Such physical contact through massage can provide added closeness and emotional (re)connection between a couple, and certainly will enhance your relationship if there are no other major issues to deal with except the non-orgasm of the woman.