You might therefore assume, and you would be quite correct in doing so, that the best and most effective tool for relationship stability is good communication. When people communicate with in a relationship, it’s observable that if they say five times more positive than negative things to each other, the relationship has a much higher chance of surviving than if the ratio is lower than this.
This is amazing finding, because it’s very clear that people who care about the attitude of their partners and the emotional tone of the relationship are more involved. Having said that, of course one must ask, “well why wouldn’t they be?”
It’s absolutely essential for couples to communicate in a loving fashion and build each other self-esteem if they are to stay together. You would need to be an emotional masochist to stay in a relationship where your partner was undermining you, either overtly or covertly, on a continuing basis.
So how is good communication established?
The answer is that good communication is the product of several things.
For one thing it’s the product of reflective listening. This is about showing the partner that you are truly engaged with what they’re saying – and your interest in what they are saying is reflected back to them.
You can increase the effectiveness of reflective
listening by observing what your partner is saying and verifying
it – in other words making some enquiry to absolutely ascertain
whether or not you’ve heard them correctly.
Keep in mind that women in particular often just want a man to listen to them, rather than offering solutions or fixing problems.
And also – remember that the best relationships between men and women are the ones where the man is sensitive enough to know whether he should provide a solution for the woman or just listen to her so that she can work out her problems for herself.
Another interesting observation about relationships is that apology can be a massive tool in cementing the relationship firmly together.
In society these days we casually throw out a
“sorry!” without thinking too much about whether it’s sincere or
This strongly suggest that when an apology is sincere, it has an impact on the person who receives it. Therefore, if you’re guilty of any transgression against your partner, within your relationship, it’s definitely worth apologizing…… but only do this if it’s from place of sincerity.
Now good communication involves a two-way exchange of negotiation and mutual listening.
The Importance of Sex
But one of the other factors that keeps a couple together is good sex – and in particular, when the woman has orgasms.
Now when you think about it this isn’t too strange. What we know about orgasms is that they are enjoyable and pleasurable, but they actually have a deeper effect!
When a woman has orgasms, she is happy and
contented not just in the bedroom, but her contentment and
happiness spreads beyond the bedroom to affect the emotional
tone of the whole relationship.
And remember, in particular, that as a man, it’s your duty to overcome premature ejaculation and ensure that you can satisfy your woman during intercourse.
But what if your relationship’s in trouble? What if you find you’re actually on the verge of breaking up?
People in these situations often find they don’t understand what’s happened to them – they may have had a period of disagreement and unhappiness in the relationship, but before they know it they’re actually at the point where the relationship’s breaking up, and it’s a mystery to them why they’re there.
But these things never come on suddenly – they
are the product of a long period in which the quality of the
relationship degenerates, the quality of the communication
begins to falter, and the sex disappears.
However suppose you find you’re in a relationship where you’re not really convinced that the time has come for it to end (even if you and you partner are arguing).
What you do if you’re in a relationship you think has some mileage left in it, even if it seems to be falling apart?
The answer is, you want to do everyone else does
– turn to the Internet for some relationship advice, LOL!
My suggestion, if you find you’re breaking up, and you don’t know why, is to buy a program called Text Your Ex Back – which you can find here.
But more importantly, if you feel that your relationship has already broken up and / or you’ve separated from your partner, then you might want to get your relationship back together – in fact you probably will.
You might now be feeling that it’s the worst mistake you’ve ever made in your life, and you want to restore the status quo as rapidly as possible.
You wouldn’t be the first! And buying Text Your Ex Back will help you to do exactly that, although my suggestion is that you put aside, at least to the extent you are able, your pain and distress, and read the instructions very carefully.
However, having said that, Text Your Ex Back has guidelines on exactly what to do and how to do it when you’re in a situation where you want your relationship to be repaired and renewed. Where, in short, you want your relationship back.
And it comes highly recommended, with thousands of testimonials from satisfied customers who re-established their relationship with an ex boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. At the very least it will allow you to discover whether or not getting back together with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is the right thing to do for you. Good luck!.
Sexual Guidance Needed
Question: I need a little guidance here.
I’m a 28 year old woman – attractive, hot body,
etc. in a relationship with a guy I am head over heels for. He
is constantly professing his love for me also, which I take with
a grain of salt because — I think he is in love with what I do
to him and how I make him feel (incredible blowjobs, massages,
etc.) not so much with who I am.
He has never gone down on me (it’s shaved, and nice and clean), he has only touched my vulva 3 times, and it was all business – zero in on target.
I know he is capable, just not willing for whatever reason and I find I have no voice. It feels like rejection every time we make love and he doesn’t take the time to touch me first.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt his ego (feelings) and I don’t have the guts to say something. I’ve tried hinting, and moving a little under his hand, but nothing. I need advice.
Not something I have to say to him- because I
can’t. Something I can do to make him WANT to touch me.
Answer: I can certainly understand how difficult this situation is for you. Not for the first time I’m struck how lucky men are when they have a partner who’s devoted to them: the way a woman wants to make things good for the man she loves is a powerful force.
I suspect that men don’t appreciate it enough, though, and when you combine that fact with men often are driven by the desire to satisfy themselves without much thought for their partners it can produce an unhappy situation…..as you know.
I’m sorry to say this but I don’t think there is
any way you can “make” this guy want you or be better sexually.
The only way he’ll change is if he wants to, and
the only way you can find that out is by talking to him.
Tell him what you want, why you want it, how he can give it to you – and see what happens. My guess is he’ll get irritable, for he will then know you want more off him than he is prepared to give. If so – then you have to decide what you want…..a better relationship, or the status quo?
But if he does respond – and there’s always a chance he might – and starts working with you to give you a better sex life, and stops being so immature and selfish as he is now – then you still get what you want and you have all the pluses of this relationship too.
I am sorry I can’t find an easier way to say this. I don’t want to collude in a process of hiding the truth from you. In short: you need to communicate with him, and if this doesn’t work, then you must think about what you want and need most. That might be equality in relationship!
Yes, that may mean ending the relationship. But better that than the unhappiness you now seem to be suffering.
Answer from the original questioner: Thanks for writing back and telling me everything I didn’t want to hear. I was really hoping for some crafty techniques only known by the opposite sex:(
How disappointing. I still think this sexual “laziness” is a learned habit not an innate trait. Men like David (my boyfriend) who are really good looking and well endowed have probably had an easy time attracting partners and satisfying their needs, at least in the short term.
It probably doesn’t help his situation when
there’s women like myself out there faking orgasms half the time
so not to damage his ego, then going home and getting myself off
a dozen times.
Are woman disillusioned because we are innately
givers? Maybe men aren’t as selfish as they appear, maybe we
have been over trained in giving for too many eons. It almost
seems as it has become part of our DNA.
Sometimes I really envy men, no guilt in just laying back and enjoying being taken care of. So last night, after reading your response I was trying to psych myself up to actually say something (even did 3 shots of Tequila to quell the fear) but once again I failed.
I was a little more persuasive with my actions
and a couple of “no, not yet” lines. I was laying on my back,
with my head off the edge of the bed, and he was standing over
me so I could suck on his balls and lick his cock.
The position was good, he sat on the edge of the bed and I faced him, wrapping my legs around his back, but I just wasn’t worked up enough with foreplay. Then, after I faked an orgasm, he stood me up and bent me over the bureau in front of the mirror and took me from behind. One of my favorite positions!
Women need much longer foreplay than men
Seems like such a waste when I wasn’t even close to being lubricated enough. Do you think I need more foreplay than the average woman?
I mean I could really use like 20-30 minutes to get me going psychologically even though I get wet in three minutes. Don’t get me wrong I love quickies too, they have their place and time though. Maybe I’m being too obsessive about this whole sex thing. The more I think about it, the more I think about it.
Everything else in our relationship is so good, I am considering just accepting the status quo and being grateful for that alone. I don’t know if any relationship can have all the elements we need or want, it seems to be a little farfetched to expect that.
Unfortunately, my brain equates sexual fulfillment with a very deep sense of intimacy, of someone truly knowing me and loving me. Maybe in my next life I’ll have it easy and come back as a man Thanks again for your wisdom, it did help.
Another reply from advice service: You know, 20 – 30 minutes is normal foreplay time for women. It takes the average woman 10 – 20 times as long to get aroused mentally as it does for the average man (which is 2 – 3 minutes. Sound familiar?)
Sure, you may be wet, but for a woman (and indeed sometimes for men), being aroused physically does not equate to being aroused mentally, nor does it mean you are ready for sex. When you equate intimacy with powerful connected sex, you tap into the true nature of female sexuality, not the superficial version foisted on women by men’s sexual demands.
When you meet a man who understands this, and who
knows how powerful the force of female sexuality can be when it
comes from a woman’s deepest place (by which I mean her heart
and body connected in both love and sexual desire), you’ll see
that the most powerful sex comes from long foreplay, high
arousal and mutual intimacy.